Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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