I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
