Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
