i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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