How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
