Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
