I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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