Just fell off a train. Bad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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