i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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