i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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