areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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