i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
