never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
