So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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