I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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