I hate your face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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