the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
