Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
