Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
