Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
