Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
