I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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