i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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