people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
