You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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