I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
