I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
