you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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