The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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