Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
