I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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