a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
