When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
