I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
