the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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