fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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