no you cant smoke seaweed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
