the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
