there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
