my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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