Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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