if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
