I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
