I need help removing her.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
