We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
