I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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