Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
