Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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