He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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