Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
