I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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