Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You should frame my arrest warrant.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
