he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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