then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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