well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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